The Legend of the FergerKing

By Jake Reed

Chaos within D21 makes for an unforgettable experience.

This past week has been nothing short of wondrous for Mr. Ferguson. With the release of the “FergerKing” merch, he’s just about struck it rich!

It sold out at record speed, leaving a noticeable gap on the rack at Brother Kevin’s store. At first, everyone thought it was the irresistible style and a widespread homage toward the Physics Guru. But was it irresistible enough for the entire Physics C class to wear it?

On Tuesday, Mr. Linfors stepped in the classroom and was in awe at the sight of over 30 hooded figures in 7 neat rows. They were in the middle of the units 5-6 exam—one of the most difficult in the entire course. Rotation was difficult enough, but rotational energy and momentum? You’d need much more than a previous night’s review to do well on those.

Mr. Linfors asked that the students remove their hoods to respect the Columbus dress code. The students glanced around at each other and hesitantly focused their attention back on the exam. 

Everything seemed to be normal until the exam scores came back: 36.67%, 26.67%, and 3.33%. That’s one out of thirty questions. How is that even possible?  But then one score shocked the rest: 100%. All eyes shot to the back of the room, where one student had his head down, covered by the hood. 

Mr. Linfors uncovered the hood, and a blinding iridescence filled the room. The inner stitching seemed to be alive. Formulas for rotational kinetic energy, angular momentum, and torque problems all lit up a light blue and bounced around like particles in a hyperspace planetarium.

Suddenly the hoodie began to levitate off the student’s body. The image began to warp. “Oh no, he’s kept it on too long!” 

It magically rose to the ceiling, glowing in its blue aura. Symbols holographically appeared under: I=mr^2, the equation for rotational inertia. 

It took a T-shape as if it were obeying a puppet master. Suddenly, one sleeve caught a gust of wind from the air conditioning, and the hoodie began spinning. Faster and faster. The sleeves folded inward. Faster. Faster. Faster. Until… boom! 

It exploded. A loud ringing filled the room. The memories remain imprinted in the minds of those in period 4; we have not spoken of the FergerKing hoodie since. We all know the FergerKing has its abilities, but we fear its potential.